In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding... a-ding, a-ding, sweet lovers love... the spring.

What a lovely end to a day that started out pretty craptastic. Well I take that back. I think the crap really began yesterday. So I had the day off yesterday. Took a personal day so I could go to the lady doctor. Who also happens to be my regular doctor. So I went and got my lady checked and talked to her (the doctor, not my lady) about continuing Lexapro. I told her how I had felt weird for the first week or so, but after that felt great. Now I was getting into a spot where I started feeling worried again. She suggested upping my dosage to see if that helped. So last night I took my new prescribed amount. I tried to tell myself no big deal. I was on a really low dose. It's not bad if I need more. I think maybe it bothered me more than I realized. I couldn't seem to get settled when it was time to sleep last night. I took a melatonin to help and was able to sleep. But sure enough started tossing and turning at an ungodly hour. As it got closer to time to get up the more anxious I became. I was really not looking forward to going to work. All I wanted to do was stay home and rest. No stress. Easy. Relaxing. But I knew I couldn't do that. I tried to chill so I could just get a little more sleep. No such luck. By the time it really was time to get up I was in the throws of a full blow anxiety attack. Brian had to get me a clonazapam and talk me down. I was able to get up, shower, and get ready to go. Breakfast was hard. Had to force myself. Still felt a little anxious when I got to work, but it got better. Felt pretty miserable all day. Still sick with a cold. Frustrated about the anxiety. Frustrated about the medicine. Annoyed with my talkative class. By the end of the day I was DONE. Thank God the weather was gorgeous! The light at the end of the tunnel!  I came home. Went on a walk with Brian. Cooked dinner together. Relaxed for a bit together. Now I'm watching American Idol while he plays WOW. And I can honestly say I feel A LOT better. I don't know if it's the medication, the sunshine, the fresh air, support from Brian, or me realizing that I was stressed about going back to work today after the long weekend (and that I could survive work). I'm just grateful to feel balanced again. I am so looking forward to May. When school will be out and I can get back to feeling balanced with out pills. I just need to keep reminding myself that today was rough. I'm going to have more rough days. I'm in a very stressful situation right now. But I handled it. It wasn't the worst thing ever. I can handle it again. Reminding myself to see the possibilities. Live up to the possiblitarian attitude. And get some good sleep!