10 Things I Am Super Obsessed With

The Frisky started a  cool new feature today called 10 Things I Am Super Obsessed With Right Now. It inspired me to do my own 10 things for my blog today. So here we go!

Fashion
I've been in a bit of a fashion rut lately. The whole inconsistent weather thing doesn't help. Is it spring? Is it winter? Is it spring? Is it winter? Ugh! But right now I'm feeling pretty obsessed with a couple of transitional items that work well on those crazy Kansas weather days.
  1. Moccasins! I bought 2 pairs of these babies at Payless a few months ago. They are pretty great winter/spring shoes. They cover enough of your feet to keep warm when the temperatures are low, but are breathable enough to wear when it gets warmer. Now as far as attractiveness goes, they're not the most adorable shoes every, but I think they're kinda cute! Every time I wear them Brian insists they are house shoes and not meant to be worn outside, but they totally have soles!


2. I'm also really enjoying these light-weight cardigans  from Old Navy. They are thin enough to not be too warm on spring like days, but enough
                                                      to keep you covered when it's cooler. I have one in gray, but I wouldn't
                                                      mind having the white!

TV 
3. So I've been watching the commercials for the new NBC show The Voice, and I have to admit I'm pretty excited about it. I mean, look: You got Christian Aguilera who is a hot, tranny mess right now. What with the divorce, the drunkenness, the mackin' out in the back of cars, the chocolate banana bjs! Love it! Then there's Adam Levine from Maroon 5 who I love. Plus I'm a sucker for any reality singing competition. I will definitely be watching!

4. GLEE!!!! I know everyone else in the free world has been loving Glee for the past few years. I'm a little slow on the uptake, okay? But I love it! I just started watching about a month or so ago and I'm totally into it. The singing, the drama, the cute boys! Squeal! It's enough to make you feel like a teenage girl again!


Music
5. I've been a fan of the Cold War Kids for awhile, but since going to their show at the Granada earlier this month they are all I want to listen to! I love the tone of Nathan Willett's voice and their songs are super passionate and catchy. This one is my absolute favorite!

6. I'm totally excited about the new Strokes album that is out right now. I have yet to purchase it, but it will be my next itunes splurge! I can't help but bop along whenever this comes on the radio!

Reading

7. Anyone that knows me knows I am a HUGE Tina Fey fan. I was so excited to find out that she has written a book that will be coming out this month. It's called Bossypants and if the cover is any indication it should be hilarious!

8. I am also a fan of Chelsea Handler. I've read all of her books and laughed my ass off through each one. I can't wait until her next one, Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me, comes out!


Food

9. I can honestly say that if it wouldn't cause me to pack on about a million pounds and be plugged up until I'm 50 I'd eat cheese for every meal. I freakin' love cheese. Most all cheeses too. Except maybe blue. Currently I cannot get enough of goat cheese. There's a brand at Dillons I've bought that is to die for! I can't remember the name right now and I've googled until I feel my head will explode so I'll find out and tell you later.

10. Bananas! Which is totally crazy for me because as a kid I HATED bananas. They made my mouth itchy and gave me a stomach ache. And now as an adult, miraculously, they don't bother me anymore! I can't get enough of them. As a snack, on waffles and sandwiches with peanut butter, in smoothies. Yum!

So there's my current 10 Things I Am Super Obsessed With. What are your 10 things?

Learning some unpleasant "grown-up" lessons

You know how when you were younger  you would have a "milestone" moment in life that really taught you a lesson, but you didn't really realize you had learned something until you reflected on the event long after it happened? I'm beginning to think it doesn't really work that way anymore when you are a grown-up. Or at least that as been my experience this school year. I have learned so much this year about a lot of the shit you have to deal with in the workplace as an adult. Lessons about being a professional, and my career, and school politics that I sort of felt like I was naive to up until now. And I kinda feel like I am very aware of the lessons I'm learning in the moment. Rather than realizing it much later. I had a major lesson learning moment that hit me like a ton of bricks today. And in thinking about it I feel a little stupid about the whole thing. Like I've had a very "Pollyanna" view of things and wondering how I could be so simple.

This has been a kind of shit year as far as school years go. I went into the year really optimistic; considering I lost my job last year and I was just grateful to be back. But we've had so many changes at our school and so much drama that it's really stressed me out. To the point of having anxiety issues that I am still addressing. The most difficult change to get used to is our new principal. There been some pretty shady things going down as far as particular staff members being targeted and treated kind of unfairly. I, for the most part, have been treated fairly and have not suffered an of the injustices, so to speak, that others have suffered. But I still hold some animosity toward our principal cause some of those staff are my friends dammit! So now I'm in this position were I feel like I'm being sort of groomed and recruited to be on her team and I'm really struggling with it! I know "drinking the kool-aid" would be a safe choice because I could help me with the whole job security thing. I'm still not tenured and at risk of losing my job again due to budget cuts so being on her side wouldn't hurt. And I don't have any hard feelings toward her per-se. But I still have some guilty feelings about "going to the dark side" after what has happened to some of my friends. I know I need to look out for number one and I'm learning more and more everyday that this is how it works when you're an adult. Sometimes at your job you have to make compromises with what you believe in. That you have to play the game and fake it til you make it. I guess deep down I've always sort of understood this so I shouldn't be surprised when it smacks me in the face today, but dang it's kind of depressing!

I don't know if this is making any sense, but it's what I'm feeling right now. I love teaching. I love my students. I love my teacher friends. I love doing what I do. But I could definitely see this whole school politics thing driving people from the profession. It's probably my least favorite thing about teaching. Even more than grading papers.

"Fashion Tuesdays" Needs Revamped

I went into this blog with the intention of making each weekday about something different. I couldn't decide on one blog topic so this was my compromise. I have stuck to the schedule some. Mostly veered. Tuesdays are supposed to be about fashion. My friend Angela over at Fashionably Learning to Be  does a great job of posting pictures of her outfits. I think maybe I should start doing that on Tuesdays. I also really like reading Kansas Couture where she posts lots of outfit pictures.

So my goal for next Tuesday is to do an outfit picture and talk about it. And you better hold me to it-so I don't slack. I'm also starting to think about other things I could do to spice up my blog. I'm looking a lot to blogs and websites I like to visit for inspiration. My favorite website to frequent that features a lot of different bloggers is The Frisky. And my blogging hero is a local girl who is featured on Lawrence.com and has her own blog The Flying Fork. I think Megan is a genius. So here's some ideas I have so far for spicing up:

1. Post pictures of outfits on "Fashion Tuesday"
2. Post pictures of food on "Recipe Monday"
3. Something to make "Relationship Wednesday", "Funny Thursday" and "Inspirational Friday" interesting.
4. Cool fonts and colors.
5. Other cool features.

That's what I got so far. Real excitin' huh? Maybe I'll make that my weekend project. Spruce up blog. In addition to all of the state assessment prep I need to do. Ahhhhh!

In closing I thought I'd share a little nugget of joy from my day. Cycling started back up today! It was great! But hard. 2 weeks off is no bueno. But I had a great time! Looking forward to Thursday!

Viva La Zumba!

Today was back to school day after a nice, long (but not long enough) spring break. I wasn't feeling too bad about going back. State assessments start this week and I was ready to be about business. Plus Zumba started today! I was so excited to get back! I missed shakin' it so much. After a craptastic day yesterday (KU loss, snow, and knowing I had to get up early) it was exactly what I needed. For those of you not familiar, Zumba is a Latin American dance based aerobics class and I LOVE it! It's fun and fast paced and smile inducing. Plus my teacher Traci is really great. She has lots of energy and does a great job breaking the steps down for us. So I'll be doing Zumba Monday and Wednesdays and cycling on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Hopefully shaking and spinning myself into a smaller jean size!

Something I also did this evening that probably did not help with my jean size was eat a yummy dinner prepared by Brian's loving hand. Yesterday when making the Sunday shopping list/meal plan for the week we debated between enchiladas and chicken tortilla soup. I started poking around on Kraft Foods for inspiration. I love this website. It has tons of recipes for almost anything you would want to cook. Most of them are super easy and user friendly. After a few minutes searching I found this recipe: Santa Fe Chicken Enchilada Soup! The best of both worlds! Brian made it while I was at Zumba and it turned out really yummy. It reminded me of a cheesy, hamburger, Mexican chili recipe from my friend Pope. It wasn't very spicy so we added a little Tabasco. Perfect!

So now that I feel like I'm in the groove with this whole blogging thing I've decided it's time to dress my blog up a bit. When I started I didn't really know what I was doing or what I wanted to write about or what I wanted my blog to be! Now I feel like I sort of have an idea and I want my blog to visually reflect what I'm writing about. I know I want it to have some cool colors, fonts, and other features. I definitely want to post more photos too. I just don't know where to start. Kaleigh's blog over at Lotte Lu and Brother Too is super cute. She's so darn crafty. Any advice for making a pretty blog is welcome! 

Will The Circle Be Unbroken

Driving home from my parent's house tonight I was listening to 106.5 The Wolf and Josh Turner, "Your Man" came on. Josh has a really classic country voice. It got me feeling nostalgic for the days when I was little and I would stay over at my Nanny's (mom's mom) house. Back before Chris was born and when he was a baby I would stay over at Nanny's from time to time. I always thought of it as a special treat. I would stay up "late" (probably like 9:00) laying on the floor in front of the TV while Nanny sat in her recliner. We would watch The Barbara Mandrell Show, He-Haw, Nashville Now (I loved Shotgun Red), and The Grand Ole Opry. It was so much fun. I loved all the music and funny skits on He-Haw and Barbara Mandrell. At bed time we would go get into Nanny's bed with her comfy sheets and pillows. She always put on Mentholatum at bed time. I loved the smell. It was so comforting. To this day when I can't fall asleep I put on Carmex to have that smell, and whenever I hear classic country music I think of my Nanny and the special sleepovers we used to have. I only wish she could still be in my life today to see how I've grown up and the young woman I've turned into. Even though she was only in my life a short time I feel like she's had a big influence on who I am today. I'm so glad I had that time with her and great memories to look back on.

Blackberry Cobbler = Heaven in a bowl

Last weekend while visiting the Riders we went to one of my favorite dessert places, Bobby's Frozen Custard. As we were pulling up I noticed the special was a blackberry pecan concrete. Knowing it was right up my man's alley I suggested he get one. After taste testing each others ( I got a drumstick concrete-vanilla custard, sugar cone pieces, nuts, and chocolate) I immediately wished I had gotten a blackberry pecan as well. Since then I've been craving a blackberry cobbler. I found a great, super easy recipe online and decided to make it today. Here it is.
Mary G's Blackberry Pecan Cobbler
Mary Lee Garner

Ingredients:       8 cups blackberries, fresh (or two 16 oz. bags of frozen berries, slightly thawed)       1 cup sugar       1/4 cup instant tapioca       juice of 1/2 a lime       pinch of salt       1 cup all-purpose flour       1 cup sweetened shredded coconut       3/4 cup sugar       1/2 cup pecans, coarsely chopped       1/2 tsp. baking powder       1/4 tsp. salt       1/2 cup cold butter, cubed       1 egg. Directions:       Toss berries with sugar, tapioca, lime juice, and salt in a bowl. Spoon into a 2-quart baking dish. Combine flour, coconut, sugar, pecans, baking powder, and salt in a second bowl. Using your fingertips, knead in the butter until incorporated; the mixture should look like coarse sand. Blend the egg into the flour mixture. Then spoon this crumbly mixture as a topping over the berries in clumps. Bake for 45-50 minutes at 375 degrees, or until topping is golden and crisp, and the filling is thick and bubbly. Cool on a rack for at least 1 hour before serving; the juice will thicken as it cools . Notes:       Serve with whipped topping for a sinfully sweet, delicious dessert.

I don't know who Mary G  is  but I love her. We topped ours with vanilla bean ice cream. It was delish. The tart blackberries, the crunch pecans, the cool, melty ice cream. Sooo good. Oh and I left out the coconut for Brian. Had it been up to me there would have been extra coconut.

Baby Fever

...Or actual fever?? Who knows. Still feeling craptastic today. On top of the coughing I now have a stuffy nose and my ears itch/ache like crazy! Haven't done much today. Did take a nice nap on the couch. Also did not get around to uploading pictures from the weekend. I know there's some cute ones on there of the babies. Which brings me to today's blog topic. Baby fever. I think I've got it. And it's no surprise. I'M SURROUNDED BY THEM! Everyone I know it seems has a baby or is getting ready to. Between friends and relatives there are babies every where I go. It's defiantly got me thinking about having kids. I guess I have always known that I want to be a mother. It probably started when my mom had Chris. I was 3 and of course loved being mommy's helper taking care of brother. I think being a teacher has, surprisingly, made me want kids as well.

Right now Brian and I are in the "seriously dating, living together, we're gonna get married, but just not engaged yet" stage of the relationship. We joke about having kids and say things like, "Oh we are so never doing that!" when we see poor parenting in public. For example, at the zoo this weekend, these parents had their kid on one of those leashes disguised as an animal backpack. And there was no missing him. He was screeching and wailing as he pulled, tugged, and jerked desperately trying to escape as his dad held on to the other end clearly stressed but trying to put on an "I totally have control of my child" face. Yeah. Not gonna happen. Anyway, we talk casually about one day having kids but have never seriously discussed it. This weekend after spending time with Kaleigh, Andrew, Reygan, and Jackson I started thinking about how much I'm looking forward to having a little family of our own. Doing fun things with our kids and watching them grow. So while laying on an air mattress in the Rider's living room I asked Brian, "I know we joke and stuff about having a baby, but what do you really think about it?" He took a moment and answered, "I'm not sure." I have to admit I was taken aback and started to get a little panicky. I had thought all along we were on the same page about children and now this "I'm not sure" response had me worried. I asked him what made him think he might not want kids. He said he just hadn't really thought about it much and didn't know. That's when I started really freaking out. If he's not sure about kids, what else is he not sure about? I thought we had the same ideas about this, what else am I wrong about? Although I didn't say anything he instantly sensed my uneasiness. He asked me, "How long have you been thinking about having kids?" I explained pretty much my whole life. Probably when my brother was born. He said, "Well I've been thinking about having kids for about as long as we've been together seriously." (We've been dating for almost a year and a half) I started to open my mouth to launch into a series of questions, but stopped to let what he was saying sink in. It really made sense. He's not a guy who makes decisions easily and I don't think most guys do really think about being a father until they are presented with the possibility. It's not like little girls. We are taught from a very early age about being a mommy. I understood what he was saying, but it still bothered me. I think he could still tell I was upset because then he said, " I am leaning toward having kids. It probably is what I want. I just haven't made a decision yet." And that did make me feel better. But I was still worried about the other big, important things we may not be on the same page about. So I brought it up and we agreed it would be best to talk about them. So we discussed getting married, where we will live, and other things. Thank God we agreed on all of those!

It's been a few days now and I'm still a little troubled by not knowing if Brian is going to want to start a family with me after we get married. I did mention to him that I would consider it a deal breaker if he didn't. I don't think he was surprised. I'm not trying to sound like one of those pathetic girls who swears she knows what her man wants and refuses to accept the truth, but I know he wants kids. Or that he will want kids. I think it's normal for a guy to not be able to say, "Yep I do" without going "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" a little on the inside when he's still young and not married yet. So I'm not going to stress about it. I know that he loves me and all of those things will come in time. When it's right. For now I will just have to remember to enjoy our life now. Be grateful for the freedom we have. Get as much snuggles, kisses, hugs and giggles out the babies in my life and be glad that when they cry or throw a fit, I can still give them back to their parents!

Spring breakin' it down.

Whew! What a fun weekend! Brian and I went out to Illinois to visit the Rider's. We went to the zoo and the science center and watched the Jayhawks victory. It was fabulous! I'm so glad I got to spend some time with my besties and see little Jackson and big girl Reygan. I wish I could see them more often! Other than having to leave, the only downside to the weekend was this stupid, barking cough! It showed up Sunday and has not left. No fun. No fun at all. So here I am on spring break and feeling kinda poopy. Nothing too exciting planned for the rest of the week. Going to try to get into the eye doctor and dentist. Probably get a mani/pedi and hang with some friends. Of course we have the Sweet 16 starting Thursday! Exciting stuff.

Going to work on uploading some pictures from the weekend. I will try to remember to put them up tomorrow!

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Today was a great day! Last day of school before spring break! Beautiful weather! And a Jayhawk victory!

I went to Jack's after work today and hung out with some of my teacher friends. Brian came over after awhile to watch the game with me. I'll have to admit that first half was U-G-L-Y! We were not bringing it. I was VERY worried. But the second half went much better and we WON! Now I just hope we can continue on.

We're leaving in the morning to head to Edwardsville for our mini, spring break vacation. 4 days with the Riders! I'm very excited! I miss my bestie and can't wait to see her and her family! I'm purchasing some new tunes for the road trip. I've been meaning to get some Cold War Kids for awhile now and going to the concert last week inspired me. Good stuff, good stuff.

Well I better get a move on. Still need to upload my music, finish laundry, and get to bed at a decent time to get up and pack and finish getting things ready before we hit the road at 9. HAPPY SPRING BREAK!!!

I've got the Madness!

I love March! Spring break, St. Patrick's Day, daylight savings, but most of all basketball. I freakin' love NCAA basketball. I don't think you can legally claim to be a Kansan and not love NCAA basketball. I love my Jayhawks and when the Madness starts you can bet I am glued to CBS sports and ESPN.com. That is until the Jayhawks are out. Then I kinda lose interest. But right now I'm all about the tourney. So far my bracket its doing okay. I'm out on the same 2 upsets I'm sure nearly everyone is out on: Louisville and Vandy. Hopefully we won't have too many more that mess up my bracket. Our first game isn't until tomorrow evening. Unfortunately it will be on TBS and we don't have cable. We haven't made watching plans yet. Probably online or go to Jack's. I'm hoping we can do it. We're playing another damn B team (Boston U.) That has not boded well for us in the past. Bucknell, Bradley, Baylor. The curse of the B's! I think we'll be okay though. I'm really excited to cheer for the Crimson and Blue! Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

Let me tell you bout my best friend...

So I'm totally stoked because we are going to Illinois to visit the Riders this weekend! I haven't seen Kaleigh, Andrew, and Reygan since before Christmas I think! And I haven't seen Jackson at all yet! Kaleigh is my best friend. We were roommates in college. Andrew is her husband, Reygan is her daughter and my God daughter, and Jackson is their son. We have been best friends for almost 10 years now. I don't know how I could live without her. She is the first person I call with news, good or bad, for advice, or just to talk. It's been hard having her in Illinois and me in Kansas since we graduated, but we still manage to keep in touch. We talk at least once a week and try to visit every few months. We are so close it's like we're family. She is like the twin sister I never had. And Andrew is like my big brother. I am so looking forward to seeing them this weekend. We are heading out Saturday morning. It's about a 5 hour drive from here to Edwardsville. When we get there we're probably just going to spend the day hanging out. Maybe go to B-Dub's for the game if we're playing Saturday. Brian and I are staying in a hotel Saturday and Sunday night. Their house isn't very big and now with the new baby it's a bit more crowded and we don't want to be in the way. Sunday we're are planning on going to the St. Louis zoo which is super fun! Then Monday we'll go have lunch with Andrew in St. Louis (he has to work) and go to the Science Center. We'll be staying at the house Monday night and head back to Lawrence Tuesday morning. I cannot wait to see my best friends and give Reygan and little Jack-Jack kisses. I only wish we could stay and visit longer. Luckily, they will be coming out here in April for my brother's wedding so it won't be too long before we see each other again. I hope tomorrow and Friday go by fast!

Spring Fever

I have to say I'm really digging Old Navy's trends we love  right now. I feel like most of the time it's pretty hit or miss when they come out with new season stuff but this spring is adorable!


 One of my favorite looks is from their boho chic section. I love the feminine, floral dressed with the moto jacket. And the color combo is great!



















I'm also a big fan of the boyfriend cardigan. I've had a black one that came out a few years ago that I've worn ragged! Brian keeps insisting that if I make him throw holey jeans away he can make me throw holey cardigans away. I never fail to point out that I can sew the holes in my cardigans. We can only patch his jeans and that looks stupid. I'm a little disappointed in the limited color choice but both of these are pretty.

As of my most recent trip to Old Navy I have added this and this to my wardrobe. I'm thinking I could put some of that tax money by adding this

   

And maybe this

You can never have too many sundresses and cardigans. ;o)

I feel like chicken tonight....

Brian and I just had a really yummy dinner prepared by my loving hand. Brian pick it out from his bicycling magazine and I cooked while he worked on his proposal. The recipe was for Spanish Chicken with Saffron Rice it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. Here's the recipe:

4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
1 tablespoon sunflower oil, divided (I just used vegetable oil)
Juice of half a lemon (Used the stuff in the bottle...it was on hand and doesn't make me a bad person)
1 tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
1 large red onion, diced (I hate doing this! I cry every time!)
3 carrots cut into half moon pieces (All we had was baby carrots. I figure 4 baby carrots=1 grown up carrot)
1 large, red bell pepper cut into cubes
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups jasmine rice, rinsed (I just used plain old long grain, but I'm sure jasmine would be yummy.)
1 14oz can diced tomatoes with juice
3 cups chicken broth
2 bay leaves
1/2 tsp. crumbled saffron threads (This shit is 'spensive! Did not use!)
1/4 c. chopped green olives (I snacked on these on the side before, during, and after dinner. Brian is not an olive fan.)
1 cup fresh (or frozen and thawed) peas


I started with the rice since it took the longest. I used a cooking method we had done before when we made AB's rice pilaf. It's kinda weird, but makes super deliciously fluffy rice. It involves putting the rice in the oven so set it to 350. So you start out by chopping up your veggies and sauteing them in a pot with half the veggie oil, cumin, and paprika. Cook that for about 5 minutes then add your rice and give that a good stir. Let that go for about a minute then add your tomatoes, chicken broth, and bay leaves. This would also be when you add the saffron if you have the cash for that. Bring the rice to a boil. Now here's the weird part. I transferred my rice to my lovely Paula Dean for Walmart dutch oven. Next I got a dish towel good and wet and placed it over the rice. Then I put the lid on top of the towel, folding the parts of the towel that were hanging down over the top of the lid. Then I put the whole thing, rice, dutch, towel in a 350 oven  It sounds weird, but like I said, yummy, fluffy rice.
While the rice cooked I worked on the chicken. Start out by heating the other half of the veggie oil in a cast iron skillet on high. Salt and pepper your chicken breasts. Brown your chicken breast in the skillet. About 4 minutes on each side. Then cook the chicken, uncovered in the oven for about 25 minutes. When it's done transfer it to a plate and drizzle with extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice. Cover and let it rest about 10 minutes. Then cut it into strips.
While the chicken was resting I added my peas (which I cooked in the microwave first) to the rice and gave that a stir. We dished the rice onto plates and topped with strips of chicken. It was super delicious. The chicken was very moist and had some crusty parts from being browned in the skillet. The rice was fluffy and had lots of flavor. The only thing we might change is the carrots. Brian doesn't like carrots and they seemed a little out of place in the rice. Definitely something we will try again!

Later this week we will be making corned beef and cabbage in celebration of St. Patty's Day. I'll let you know how it turns out! Happy Monday, First Day of Daylight Savings Week, March Madness, One Week 'til Spring Break! :o)

WOW Widow

Hello my name is Sarah and I'm a WOW widow. For those of you who aren't savvy on your nerdy, gamer lingo WOW stands for World of Warcraft. And if you're really not savvy on your nerdy, gamer lingo World of Warcraft is an online video game.  My boyfriend plays WOW. I, do not play WOW. This creates a hiccup in our lives 2 nights a week. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 7:30 to 11:30 Brian plays WOW. I usually loaf on the couch and watch tv. Alone. All by myself. Most of the time I am the awesome, supportive, "yeah honey you go and play your game!" girlfriend. I sort of enjoy the time apart. But other times, like tonight, I'd really rather he not play. Sometimes I want some together snuggle time and going to bed alone isn't so appealing. I know it's his thing and he enjoys doing it. He gets to spend time with this friends and it's how he unwinds. So I will continue to be understanding and see the benefits of our apart time. I mean after all he has cut back how much he plays. And he's not playing tomorrow so he can go to a concert with me. So I should be understanding right? Also I'm sure that after we get married and start having kids he'll totally give it up. Or so I keep telling myself. And he's such an amazing guy that if playing WOW 2 nights a week is the biggest issue I think we're good. So I'm going to watch How I Met Your Mother online. Get cozy on the couch. Probably head to bed early and drift off thinking about how great I have it. Even if I am a WOW widow.

TIRED!!!!!!

Man I want some quality sleep. I want to sleep so hard I do this. Yeah. That hard. I'm gonna go work on that now.

I need a hobby....

Blogging was supposed to be my hobby. I feel like lately it's turned into a forum for which I use to whine. And complain. And type out my anxious thoughts. Which I guess is sort of good. It's an outlet. It's like a journal. I guess. But I wanted it to turn into something more creative. More expressive. Something that people would eventually want to read. I did that once. Now I'm kind of sinking into a rut. So I'm thinking in addition to the blog I need a hobby. Something to do with my time in the evenings. I mean Brian and I hang out. There's tv to watch, books to read, internets to surf, dinner to cook, dishes to do, laundry to clean, etc. But that's pretty much all I do. I don't have a regular evening activity. I have my exercise classes. But I've kinda been slacking there. Keeping up good with cycling. Pilates not so much. I'll fix that at the end of the month. Anyway...I don't know what I would do for a hobby. Maybe photography. Once the weather is nicer and it's lighter later. Maybe....something crafty?? Or a project...Decisions, decisions....

In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding... a-ding, a-ding, sweet lovers love... the spring.

What a lovely end to a day that started out pretty craptastic. Well I take that back. I think the crap really began yesterday. So I had the day off yesterday. Took a personal day so I could go to the lady doctor. Who also happens to be my regular doctor. So I went and got my lady checked and talked to her (the doctor, not my lady) about continuing Lexapro. I told her how I had felt weird for the first week or so, but after that felt great. Now I was getting into a spot where I started feeling worried again. She suggested upping my dosage to see if that helped. So last night I took my new prescribed amount. I tried to tell myself no big deal. I was on a really low dose. It's not bad if I need more. I think maybe it bothered me more than I realized. I couldn't seem to get settled when it was time to sleep last night. I took a melatonin to help and was able to sleep. But sure enough started tossing and turning at an ungodly hour. As it got closer to time to get up the more anxious I became. I was really not looking forward to going to work. All I wanted to do was stay home and rest. No stress. Easy. Relaxing. But I knew I couldn't do that. I tried to chill so I could just get a little more sleep. No such luck. By the time it really was time to get up I was in the throws of a full blow anxiety attack. Brian had to get me a clonazapam and talk me down. I was able to get up, shower, and get ready to go. Breakfast was hard. Had to force myself. Still felt a little anxious when I got to work, but it got better. Felt pretty miserable all day. Still sick with a cold. Frustrated about the anxiety. Frustrated about the medicine. Annoyed with my talkative class. By the end of the day I was DONE. Thank God the weather was gorgeous! The light at the end of the tunnel!  I came home. Went on a walk with Brian. Cooked dinner together. Relaxed for a bit together. Now I'm watching American Idol while he plays WOW. And I can honestly say I feel A LOT better. I don't know if it's the medication, the sunshine, the fresh air, support from Brian, or me realizing that I was stressed about going back to work today after the long weekend (and that I could survive work). I'm just grateful to feel balanced again. I am so looking forward to May. When school will be out and I can get back to feeling balanced with out pills. I just need to keep reminding myself that today was rough. I'm going to have more rough days. I'm in a very stressful situation right now. But I handled it. It wasn't the worst thing ever. I can handle it again. Reminding myself to see the possibilities. Live up to the possiblitarian attitude. And get some good sleep!